There is no pointless journey. You don't travel a road and see or do nothing. It's impossible.
On the many journeys I'm on, I've discovered things about myself, my choice, or my destination that prodded me to change directions, take the roundabout less traveled, get more gas, stop altogether and turn around for a different route, or keep going.
When I first started on this road toward writing with a serious intent to be read by others outside of my family circle, I wrote a YA. It was fun, but it was my first attempt at a book length manuscript. I think it topped out at 48k. My next one, again, was YA but had an LDS audience in mind. This one, I learned about plot twists and editing - let's face it, the first one I didn't even glance over after I rough drafted it. I thought it was done. Learning, you know?
Then I came up with the idea for Dictating Desire. But at the time I wrote the first scene it was going to be a murder mystery. It changed to a romance when a published author friend told me she was more interested in it as a romance. Back then, I thought I had to do what someone in the industry said becaues I didn't know ANYTHING. So Dictating Desire worked into a romance with dark and edgy twists. That was fun to write and it challenged me in ways the YA hadn't*.
Following Dictating Desire I wrote another book, I'd just as soon not discuss. And then I wrote Whispers of Me which you know as Breathe Again. I was pregnant when I wrote this MS. The writing was darker than I was used to and had a seriously sad bent in every page. It was also first person. I hated the novel. Everytime I read it, I cried- Pregnant, remember?
I revised it, cleaned it up, prettied it and sent it out on submission. Then I forgot about it. Had the baby. Started another contemporary romance, albeit more upbeat, and tried to move on. When Angela James called to offer a contract with Carina Press, I was more than a little shocked. Hadn't they read it? Surely, they were confused. That book sucked. I assumed there wasn't any emotion in it, because I was too full of emotion when I wrote it for it to be any good.
But when I spoke with my editor, Mallory, and she told me about everything that she loved with it, I remembered things that I had loved while writing it, too. I'd just forgotten. So when she sent me my first round of edits, I opened up the MS and fell in love. My non-pregnant me fell in love with something my pregnant me had written.
Sounds wierd, right?
Okay, so moving on. Breathe Again came out. I decided to try my hand at a romantic suspense (and broke a BUNCH of rules). My new CP said I was wasting my time writing contemporary and I needed to work on action/thriller/suspense type work. Inside I knew she was right, but my head warred with me. "Bonnie, you can't switch genres. You have to stick with what you started with."
I'd convinced myself I couldn't leave the romance genre. My voice was romance. My voice was contemporary. My voice... But you know what? I hated writing lighthearted stuff. I love reading it, but I'm really no good at writing it. None of my lighthearted works have been picked up. My two suspenseful romances, with dark and edgy twists, have been.
I couldn't get an agent to even look at my earlier stuff. I didn't like my voice. Couldn't find it. Couldn't figure out what everyone meant by "Voice".
Nothing interested me. I had a ton of ideas that were for the trends, but then I realized, I'm not a trend-follower. I never have been, even when everyone bleached layers of their hair but left a swath of dark underneath I stuck with my natural color.
So... Did I give in and do what my
CP suggested?
I broke down, my friends. I wrote an apocolyptic thriller and agents requested. But I don't think when I submitted it, it was "The One". It's awesome now, but before I didn't quite understand rules in the thriller genre or how much romance could be involved (let's face it, I'm a romance writer at heart, I just needed to learn how to measure it).
My next book was even edgier, slightly gross, and more than a little evil. It was such a blast to write. I popped that sucker out in five weeks. Guess what? It's a YA urban fantasy. Seriously? Where did that come from?
Well, I have a whole slew of YA in my Story Ideas Book. I just never thought I'd get to play with them. They're all dark and edgy with twists and turns and, did I mention, dark? I'm learning to rejoice in the dark. The edgy. Because I'm starting to realize that's where my voice is. I'm playing in dark and edgy in YA and adult. I haven't had this much fun in so long. I'm returning back to the reason I started writing. Because I love it.
I love it. I love writing. I love discovering. I love getting to know the characters and the story lines of their lives.
But mostly I love this journey, because how else would I find out that this optimistic-overly-friendly-outgoing-dirtbiking-mothering-eating-reading-crazy-about-my-man girl had a dark and twisty side?
I'm going to go eat an Oreo because that's something us dark-and-edgy people do. Double stuffed. Yeah.
On Your Journey - What have you discovered?
*The YAs didn't challenge me in terms of story or plot because I was too new to the concept of completing a story, let alone exploring the characters and what the story arc was. Also, I was under the impression YAs needed to be sweetly serious - like Sweet Valley High or Nancy Drew (early series). Boy, was I wrong.