Monday, April 22, 2013

When the World Falls Down...

Just about 18 months ago, I had this crazy idea to write a book (which turned into a series) about the world coming to an end. It wasn't a biblical apocalyptic style story, but more like a what-if story.
 
That series is coming to an end. Just like my zombie series, I'm sad to see it end. I've grown fond of these characters that I set out to destroy from the beginning.
 
Don't you hate when that happens?
 
And yet, I've grown a lot with this series. I remember how I wanted it to end. I am so glad it is ending the way IT wants to. The hero and heroine changed mid-story which took me by surprise but fits well.
 
I've learned how to love something and let it die, if needs be, or to let it get tortured either mentally or physically and let it. If that makes sense. If you've read my stuff, you know I torture anything that moves. I don't do that in real life. Maybe I'm the tortured one. ;)
 
As Out of the Ashes comes to an end and I get ready to send it through the steps, I'm worried for my friends. My character friends. I hope they find love and happiness after the last page is turned. I don't want them to see the things that could happen. I don't want them to lose sight of what they've earned or to forget what they lost. Their hearts have gone through hell to heal and I'd hate for them to lose all that.
 
Dictacting Desire is undergoing a rewrite next. I'll cover that more next time.
 
I hope wherever you are and whoever you are, the world hasn't fallen down around you. Boston has my prayers, even though they are tough and can spin anything with their strength of spirit into something positive. I hope you all are safe.
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Friday, February 22, 2013

Confession time...#vlogoff



I'm in a VLOGOFF with other Authors! Comment to vote for me! Winner is decided Monday and the winner gets to choose next week's topic. I won't ruin the topic this week - it might give away my confession! You can also go to the other authors' sites and vote for them, if you want.  Just sayin'. Don't feel like you have to...  Krystal Wade, Kristina Circelli, Debra Kristi, Johanna Pitcairn, ...

VOTE FOR ME!

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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What do Others See When They Look at YOU?

So, I was browsing Facebook tonight - yes, way procrastinating on writing - heck, I'm in my first trimester and I'm exhausted, okay? It's all I can do to make it to bed without passing out these days, let alone make myself sit in front of a computer to write. Anyway, I was on Facebook for a minute tonight and a friend shared this blog post. So You're Feeling Too Fat To Be...
 
The title intrigued me and I clicked away. The message smacked me in the face. SMACKED me in the FACE!
 
I'm in the beginning of my 7th pregnancy. 7. I lost my 6th one, like I've said on here before. It's okay, no biggy, but I realized that with my 7 pregnancies, I've put on a few pounds. I'm always so embarrassed by this. I don't feel sexy, or pretty, or svelte, or healthy. I never feel like I have the right to dress cute or pretty - 'cause honestly, who's going to want to see me pretending?
 
Or dancing. I love to dance. I can dance all day and all night. I love it. But who's going to want to see a fat chick dance?
 
I never let my kids hear me say I'm fat. I refuse to say that. But I say it to my husband and he says he thinks I should be bigger having had 7 pregnancies under my belt. He says I'm beautiful and look younger than most people my age, that I'm gorgeous naturally, that I have the prettiest skin, and the prettiest eyes, and he loves my thick hair that hits my waist. He loves me and kisses me all the time and wants to be alone with me still - hello! I'm pregnant for the 7th time and with the same man's kids... jeesh. I'm doing something right. lol.
 
My kids tell me all the time how pretty they think I am. My kids constantly tell me they think I'm skinny. And when I say, I'm not skinny. They say, but Mom, you have kids. You don't want to be skinny, do you? You're perfect, the perfect mommy.
 
People say, Bonnie, you just had a baby. You're pregnant again. Bonnie, don't be so hard on yourself. You'll get your body back.
 
And oh, how I wish they are right. I hope to one day see my 36-23-36 shape back, where my muscles can do things I only dream about now. I hope they see me and think "she's a skinny girl trapped in a fat girl's body. She can do it. I don't see the fat girl. I don't. I just see her".
 
But what I'm afraid they are thinking is, "holy cow, she's huge. Can't she control her eating? Can't she exercise? Can't she take the time to at least TRY?"
 
But... I wish I had the time. Did I mention all my kids are under the age of 8? I homeschool them. I'm working on being a writer, an author. I'm pregnant, like, all the time. And, crud, I'm a great cook. I know that's rude to say, but oh, man, it's the truth and I'm also a great eater. Put those two together and it's a BAD combination. Or a good one, depending on your perspective.
 
Did I mention that I'm an emotional eater? So when we have to deal with my in-laws - who consequently call me fat behind my back and describe me to people as "The Big Daughter-In-Law" or the "The Big One" - I eat. I can't help it. It's so funny, I've even had my mil say oh, you're just starting to lose weight, too bad you're pregnant again. But it isn't their fault I eat.

I eat when I'm stressed. I eat when I'm tired. I eat for inspiration for my writing - my books are stressful. I eat with my emotions. Heck, I eat when someone ELSE is stressed! It's jacked up.
 
I know, right?
 
But I eat. And I wish I didn't. But I do.
 
And the worst thing? The worst enemy to myself - that pushes all the other stuff above way down the list?
 
Is myself.
 
ME.
 
Do you know that I have my pre-pregnancy clothes still in my closet? Piles and piles and stacks of awesomely cute clothes that I love LOVE so much. Do you know how many fat clothes I allow myself? I have two pairs of pants and 6 shirts. Which I detest. HATE with a burning passion. But I won't let myself spend the money.
 
Why? Because I don't want to be fat forever. And because I don't feel like I deserve it.
 
But I do want to feel cute. And I'm not. I don't feel anything but disgust about myself. Nothing. So the article above, which I highly suggest you read, has made me take a second look at how I view myself. I might need to start playing with makeup - at least mascara... or doing my hair, just a bit, rather than throwing it up in a messy bun everyday.
 
I can look cute. I'm sure I can. There are heavier women out there that are absolutely beautiful. And I wish I could do it. I'm jealous of them. I want to be them.
 
All of this while being me.
 
Sorry, for the dump this has turned into. But this is me. I'm not perfect. I'm overweight. And I just want to love myself the way that my kids and my husband do. I want to see the Bonnie I know I am inside the bigger girl I've become.
 
I want to love me. At all stages of my life. Thick or thin. That's what I want. Hopefully, I can do that.
 
What do you find is hardest to love about yourself? Because I see in you all the good stuff. I only notice the bad in me.
 
Have a great day today and pick one nice thing to think about yourself.
 
Mine is - I'm brave to love whole heartedly. Even when I'm afraid.
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Wolf Spell - Because yeah, it's awesome...

With Death Starts a New Beginning...

What would you do if you where faced with the enormous task of awaking the dead to save your life and those around you?

Wolf Spell

by
M.R. Polish
    Esmerelda ~ Wimpy witch my ass, all of the week’s frustrations I had pent up, churned inside me. I’d show him. The sprout grew about an inch and blossoms formed into tiny leaves, letting me know I’d made a connection with it.
He used his hands to beckon me. “Come on, I have all night for you to make me whine.”
I ignored him and focused on growing the ivy. It was no longer a sprout, but a full–grown wild plant with wide leaves covering the ground.
“Hey, wait a minute Es, what are you doing.” His voice hinted at uncertainty with a small hesitation. He looked over to where I concentrated.
“Nothing.” I turned back around to face him.
“Whatever you’re thinking in that pretty little head, don’t”
I held my arms up in front of me, boxing style, waiting for him to make a move. I’d be danged if he got me in another headlock.
We walked around each other in a tight circle. He held a smirk that made me think he was amused by all of this. The morning sun shone on his already bronzed skin, showing his many days in the sun. For one short moment, I forgot I should be fighting. We circled one more time, and he reached out his arm, trying to get me off balance, but I was ready and moved out of the way before his hand made contact.
He backed up again making space between us. “Es, I mean it, don’t you even dare think about it.”
It was too late. He could beg all he wanted, but I wouldn’t change my mind. The bush sprang to full life as I used its energy to create my spell with it. My mind locked on my target, and I grinned.
After a deep breath, the spell came to life in my hands. All the energy sizzled as if I held a thousand ants in the palm of my hand. An orb illuminated, growing in power, cupped in my hands. Tiny sparkles of energy floated out around the orb.
Lunging forward, I threw the orb as fast as I could. It spiraled as if it went a hundred miles per hour, smashing into Jarak’s chest, covering him in a raw poison ivy spell. If he wasn’t a Guardian, my spell would’ve hurt him, soaking into his skin and making him sick. As it was, the only part of the poison ivy that would affect him was the sore itchiness.
He looked up at the sky, and threw his arms in the air as if wondering ‘why him’, then exhaled loudly before turning away. He never said one more thing to me as he entered the house, letting me stand there with a smug look of victory on my face.
Lesson over.   
Jarak ~  I winced as I grazed my fingertips over the wound in my forehead. I never saw what hit me, but whatever it was, left a nasty gash. I groaned. None of that mattered now. She was gone.
Guilt consumed me. I hadn’t protected her. I pulled my hand away staring at the sticky red liquid that covered my fingers from the blood that still seeped from the wound.
I leaned back against the wall of Es’s room. I hated that I couldn’t control my emotions for her better. With her gone, I hated myself even more. I didn’t protect her, and it killed me.
Ian ~ Every time I saw her, my heart still raced. I couldn’t let her or anyone I knew about how I’d dreamed of her, even before meeting her. It killed me every time I saw her with my brother, but she was probably better off with him anyway. I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. My dreams made me feel as if I would find love, but now I just think the universe teased me. Things I saw in them couldn’t possibly happen now that she was with Jarak. My heart ached for me to touch her as I once had in my dreams.
I looked away. It was too painful. I opened my cell phone and pretended to dial Jarak’s number. There was no way I would tell him that I found her. Not yet. I wanted some time alone with her before I had to give her back to him.

~Blurb ~ 


With a death starts a new beginning...
Eighteen-year-old Esmerelda thinks she’s just a normal girl, but all of that changes the day of her mom’s funeral, when a warlock, intent on using her special powers, kidnaps her. Powers she didn’t know existed. Thrown in the middle of a magical battle, Es struggles to learn her magic while fleeing both vampires and warlocks, at the same time, hunting for the witches that can help defeat her adversary. The only problem is that they are dead.
Thankfully, she has the help of Jarak—her Guardian—who quickly captures her heart, but she wonders if she can win his? Just when she thinks Jarak is the one for her, Ian appears with daggers drawn to save Es from a vampire attack. Ian is cocky and rude, but there is something magnetic about him—something that attracts her to him. With her heart torn between two men, she faces the foes that are out for her blood.
Can Es do the unthinkable and awaken them from their graves before time runs out?

Available now!

All Ebooks only $2.99!

It is also listed on Goodreads!
Goodreads
 
 
You can find M.R. Polish here:
 
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Monday, January 21, 2013

Into the "Vortex" with Janine Caldwell....




Rematch (The Vortex Series, #1)  
In REMATCH, Cassie and Trent’s worlds are about to collide, but not in the way you might normally expect. After a rocky start to their senior year, Trent is determined to hide from Cassie how their lives are supernaturally linked. But when Cassie’s past continues to torment her, she’s soon looking to Trent for answers. Trent must choose between admitting what he is and his role in her past, or running away from her forever.







Double Fault (The Vortex Series, #2)
DOUBLE FAULT is the 2nd book in The Vortex Series where Cassie and Trent’s problems have only just begun as they navigate through a parallel world rot with mind-blowing complexity. With Cassie’s tennis career hanging in the balance, she continues to watch her world crumble while fiercely hiding a secret that might cause her to lose what’s most dear to her heart.











Since I’m relatively new to the publishing scene, I thought I’d let you know a little more about me and my books. I’ve alway been a literature fanatic and have a degree in English to prove it. But pesty jobs and paying bills got in the way of my creative time, so it wasn’t until my thirties before I really could sit down and write seriously. I tried my hand at screenwriting and loved it, but when I began to discover the world of young adult fiction, I knew I found my calling to write novels.

About six years ago, I was involved with a local youth group. We were studying Diary of a Teenage Girl by Melody Carlson. The girls in the group also introduced me to the Twilight series. They were pretty early to jump on the twi-hard bandwagon since Stephenie Meyer is practically our neighbor. I know YA fans have varying opinions on this series, but hate it or love it, she pushed me to get going on my own series. Something about her living only miles away from me was truly inspirational.

I’m first to admit I’m a sucker for fantasy and romance. I knew my books would have to incorporate these elements because that’s what I like to read. I’m also currently obsessed with the idea of alternate worlds. Like what would happen if you could change your life to what you think you want it to be. And then, finally, there’s Sedona. A place so unique and amazing, it’s hard to describe. Lucky for me I only live 45 minutes away from this special city.

Sedona is known for its vortexes. I mean, come on. Vortexes? Mysterious supernatural energy? This place was just begging to be the center of a fantasy series. So, The Vortex Series (Rematch and Double Fault with Deuce still to come), is the accumulation of all the above things. I really hope readers will enjoy reading them as much as I loved writing them.

Author Bio:
Janine was raised in the Bay Area and has a B.A. in English from Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. After 30 years in California, she and her husband moved to Arizona and are currently raising their two sons in Anthem. Janine has always had a passionate love for literature—anything from the classics to the hottest YA series. Inspired by her visits to Sedona, she wrote her first YA series (The Vortex Series) based on the romance and mystery of the red rock formations. She is also grateful for the students in her life who remind her what the teenage years are like, good and bad. When Janine is not writing, she’s practicing yoga, spending time with friends, and taking care of her family.

You can contact Janine at the following links:
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